A Fish and a Bird

You're a fish
And I'm a bird
You're stuck in the water
I'm all over the world
I'll drown for you
If you wanted me to
Grant me this wish
I give you my word

Still pains me times a million
That I'm no longer in your photos
The place next to me, where you should be
I pose solo

Catch myself holding my breath
When I turn the corner onto the staircase
That you might be there
Jetlagged
Flowers
Waiting for me
Like I've been waiting for you

There's no one in the whole entire world I want to hug
To love
More than you
Although I know if we met again
You'd give me an empty embrace
Politely smile through niceities
Small talk

You're a fish
And I'm a bird
You're stuck in the water
I'm all over the world
I'll drown for you
If you wanted me to
Grant me this wish
I give you my word

Haven't you heard
I've run out of
All I could possibly give
A fish and a bird
Could fall in love
But where would they possibly live?

I'll drown for you
If you wanted me to
Grant me this wish
I give you my word

Target Practice

Target Practice

I've got ten stars counting down to zero on my wrist
Explode like alpha centauri when I make a fist
I gave you my secrets you earned just cause you exist
Now everything left is locked up but it won't be missed

Slam my heart against the fucking wall
Bullseye
"Grow apart" happens to us all
Don't lie

I flip through all the photos and I gaze at all the faces
It's not so easy for anyone to get in my good graces
Don't know what I'm doing still perusing your myspaces
Obsessed with your new piercing and all the precious time I've wasted

Hang my heart proudly on your wall
Beside your reindeer head
"Grow apart" happens to us all
But what you really mean is "dead"

This is all a game to you
Each "I love you" is the same to you
My usless heart
Safety pinned
To my skin
You win

Slam my heart against the fucking wall
Bullseye
"Grow apart" happens to us all
Don't lie

Hang my heart proudly on your wall
Beside your reindeer head
"Grow apart" happens to us all
But what you really mean is "dead"

It's Raining

It's Raining

It's raining, how appropriate, like the world just knew
Having rain falling down right now would fit the mood

It wouldn't feel right if the sun was out instead
The black-lite stars stuck to my ceiling are crashing on my head

What's a girl to do
But stay all day in bed

I wear my anger awkwardly, it hangs off me like a mess
Masochism becomes me, like a pig's blood soaked prom dress

If I'm not my faults then I dissapear
Misery's a part time job, I've made it my career

A damsel in distress
Wishing you were here

Try a smile in denial, pretending it's all good
Real tragedy feels funny, isn't quickly understood

Divide it all by comedy and what you've got left is time
Feel alive while breaking down, it's never worth the rhyme

I bet if I could
I would feel sublime

It's raining, how predictable, but never with objection
I splash puddles on purpose to get rid of my reflection

I'm human, I'm not special with my universal sorrow
Blinded by the sunshine, I got rainclouds you could borrow

Right now need I attention
I'll be fine alone tomorrow

Puzzle Piece

Puzzle Piece

I'm like a missing puzzle piece
Neglected and mistreated
Can never find my peace
Till my picture is completed

I search for others like me but I fumble
Mixed in with pieces of Sorry and Trouble
The thimble and shoe from Monopoly
Lost misfits just like me

Found what I want but wound up here instead
Pound a square hole with a misshapen peg
A plastic wishbone, a wild card
Fun for all ages but it's still much too hard

I'm like a missing puzzle piece
Neglected and mistreated
Can never find my peace
Till my picture is completed

So many different sides to me
No one fits me perfectly
Whose gonna be the performer?
Whose gonna be the sex?
Whose gonna be the music?
Whose gonna be next?

I'm curious to see who'll get to me first
Take even the worst if they're quick to quench my thirst
You touched my heart and botched my operation
Wipe the board clean cause I'm really impatient

I'm like a missing puzzle piece
Neglected and mistreated
Can never find my peace
Till my picture is completed

Like a missing puzzle piece
Gone without a trace
Picture's seen, at least
But really, what a waste

On the Rocks

On the Rocks

Cosmo's lose their taste when you're serving them yourself
Use my brain to judge the remains of what's on the top shelf
Roll my eyes, sigh, as I pour and pour
Got a loser throwing up all over the floor
This is growing up, what I worked so hard for
This guy and my degree, face it
Both of them are truly wasted

I'm living life on the rocks
Trapped in my bar room box
C'mon, tell
Me your life story

I'm living life on the rocks
Beer on tap that talks
Tip me well
I'm yours till the morning

A famous actor in the corner giving some blonde kisses
I read the gossip rags so I'm aware it's not his missus
Slips me a tip while starin' at my tits
Let the dim-lit adultery
Continue on my shift
Doesn't give a shit to me
Funny, he plays a queer on TV

Want a double, just say the word
You like it shaken, not stirred
That's the drink that Bond preferred
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard

I'm living life on the rocks
Trapped in my barroom box
C'mon, tell
Me your life story

I'm living life on the rocks
Beer on tap that talks
Tip me well
I'm yours till the morning

If you've got the goods I've got the time
Lick the salt onto my wrist and hand you a lime
Any takers among the fakers?
Shaking my martini shakers
I'll have you and you'll have Maker's
Gotta make the night go by quicker
A girl wants love but all I've got is liquor

Want it stronger, just tell me when
I like it how I like my men
Never get attention like this again
I oughtta find a better job, but til then...

I'm living life on the rocks
Trapped in my bar room box
C'mon, tell
Me your life story

I'm living life on the rocks
Stuck with drunk nighthawks
What the hell
At least it's never boring

Tongue Ring In Chic

Tongue Ring In Chic (I'm Not Bad, I'm Just Drawn That Way)


Didn't enjoy much living straight edge
It got boring fast, and I crave a challenge
Dyed black hair over half your face
Mysteries are riskier and make my heart race

If you want to get my number
Drop and be a goth nightclubber
What can I say, I've got a turn on for danger
I like my men a little stranger

I want a guy with a sleeve
Separate from his black band tee
Spiky hair, studded belt
Emotional boys make me melt

Oh, your checkered Vans, tongue ring
Water bottle, skull bling
There's surely nothing finer
Than a boy who's man enough for eyeliner

This is who I want today
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

Minor sins and safety pins are something more dramatic
Your're a breath of fresh air for a recovering asthmatic
It's a new me who picked you and you better thank her
Rather date a drug dealer than an investment banker

Got on my costume, feel like a poser
But the charade's worth it to get us closer
Is it just what we wear? I guess I'll never know
Either way, like I care, we're best without our clothes

I want a guy with a sleeve
Separate from his black band tee
Spiky hair, studded belt
Emotional boys make me melt

Oh, my checkered Vans, tongue ring
Water bottle, skull bling
No better way to get attention
Than to have a definition

This is who I am today
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

Cries for attention across the street
You scare away others, but I find it sweet
I'm a groupie for your faux rockstar
A master at your air guitar

Air guitar solo!

Oh, your Checkered vans, tongue ring
Water bottle, skull bling
There's surely nothing finer
Than a boy who's man enough for eyeliner

Dont' tell me it's just a phase
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

A Fist Wrapped in Blood

A Fist Wrapped In Blood

I’ll be the rockstar and you’ll be my band
Matching Halloween costumes I’ve already planned
Locking hands and eyes in line at Disneyland
I’ll be your lady and you’ll be my man

Too perfect to be real right from the start
Our potential so thrilling it could have been art
I kept it going cause I’m not that smart
Just empty words from an empty heart

Lovers that thrive on apologies
It’s not working obviously
Just cause to worry
With every I’m sorry
You and me were not meant to be

Lovers that thrive on apologies
Loving apathetically
Thought you were better
Than a wolf in a sweater
You and me were not meant to be

You demanded and I supplied
Keeping your distance while still at my side
Your shadowed past your alibi
My heart in your hands you pumped it dry

Your gentleman caller act successfully pulled me
Your polite performance acted out cruelly
Pushed me around like a valentine's bully
But I’m not ashamed I know how to love fully

Lovers that thrive on apologies
It’s not working obviously
Just cause to worry
With every I’m sorry
You and me were not meant to be

Lovers that thrive on apologies
Loving apathetically
Thought you were better
Than a wolf in a sweater
You and me were not meant to be

XXX

X X X

It's been over a year of not feeling right
I'd love to know what indifference feels like
It's so clearly always you
In every single fucking song I write

Are you that insecure
is that what you're dating her for?

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

Are you that frightened by the fall
Your jokes echoe off the walls
Checking my cell for your missed call
While pantomime in bathroom stalls

Thanks for making me reaccess
Every memory I have left of us

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

Was I just company, too, while you were my knight
Were your words in bed a way to fill up the night?
What I heard instead
Hung like a stalagamite

Every memory ruined for good
You let go but I never could

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

Antigone

Antigone

This morning while mourning I rolled out on the wrong side of the grave
Caught in my coffin I've outgrown but it's cozy and it's safe
Panic attacks while still snoring
Slipping out of your arms as the bacon sizzles
Flipping out once again through sunshine or drizzles
Loving you has grown to be boring

I pray for the day
You're not longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

I'm nowhere finished with my writing
Begrudgingly finished with my writhing
I hated how you always got me blushing like a rose
We cruised through our romance
I'm bruised by our last dance
Your dilapidated Vans were crushing my toes

I like the look of your lies when your eyes dilate
I should look for another, sober suitor to date
One that can imitate your walk just right
Still got the body of a female
And a disembodied email
Can't take me out tonight

I pray for the day
When you're no longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

There's got to be
Someone kinder than you
Who reminds me of you
Some humility
I couldn't find in you
I was blinded by you
Now I can see
But I'd much rather be
Antigone

I let down the countdown
No kisses at midnight, I'm missing the song
The parade did fade but you're still going strong
Your welcome's outstayed

I pray for the day
When you're no longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

I pray for the day
When you're no longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

BFF 4EVA

BFF 4EVA

I wish we could meet up just one more time
So I could take back everything I ever gave to you
That bracelet from Australia
The one that matches mine

One mind in two heads, blonde and red
And there was nothing I couldn’t say to you
Now I could fill our unfinished scrapbook
With all the things I never said

I wish I could erase you
So I won’t have to deface you
Each little insult closer to peace
It’s my passive revenge
Hope that you drop dead
Like our friendship already deceased

It’s all bad timing
A misunderstanding
Let’s blame fate
For this unwelcome hate
I couldn’t have done anything wrong
Our forever didn’t last very long

We had a few months but then we died
It hurts more cause you’re still alive
I know because I saw you behind the tree that day
I saw you and I couldn’t look away
Just thought of all the things I should say
Did he replace me? Why can't you face me?
I walked away

I know every January you remember my birthday
And make a conscious decision not to pick up the phone
We were so much for each other
But why should I bother
We’re already blown
How could I have known

I wish I could erase you
So I won’t have to deface you
Each little insult closer to peace
It’s my passive revenge
Hope that you drop dead
Like our friendship already deceased

It’s all bad timing
A misunderstanding
Let’s blame fate
For this unwelcome hate
I couldn’t have done anything wrong
Our forever didn’t last very long

Now that it’s over it seems to me
You didn’t realize how much you mean to me

Jason at the Bookstore

Jason at the Bookstore

i met you once
you'll do nicely
so far, so good
i shouldn't meet you ever again
and ruin that perfect image of you
in my mind

of course, it's not you
your hair has changed slightly
the color of your sweater
your absence has resulted in
hyperbole
replacements of details

can i marry an image in my head?
married to the thought of eternal bliss
a ring on my finger as proof
(because i need proof)
phone calls to make people jealous, bitter
try those emotions on for a change

"you" will do nicely

red bracelets

red bracelets

i'm a happy poser
never have to deal with
being a loser
i just play one on TV
and at parties
just like a clown
or a magician
it's not the real me
it's just an act of attention
i can't really levitate
or get shot out of a canon
or cut my skin up

i just reap the wealth
of worry
and power
red bracelets
(not kabbalah)
right now in fashion
supporting the cause
of myself

As I Waited To Get A New Prescription

As I Waited To Get A New Prescription

as I waited to get a new prescription
trying to change myself in some other way
I struggled pushing the piece of plastic
in a very sensitive area
struggling as usual
in sensitive areas
I overheard them whispering
although they could have been a little quieter

"See that fat girl over there?
She's having the hardest time
putting those contacts on."

Just because they're optometrists
they think I'm also in need of
a hearing aid.

This was out of the schoolyard
and birthday parties
where people who didn't know any better
threw rocks
and words
at me
This was much more

a mother
(of one of those children I'd assume)
that went to Ivy League
and received her MD
who just lost her father the previous year
who earned $70k plus benefits each year
who could struggle and think and know the right way
just called me fat
handed over the bill
and to my face said have a nice day.

You'd think she would have known better
You'd think I should have known better
than to ask for help
and believe
that ignorance ends
once you get your MD.

Three More Weeks

Three More Weeks

You came out of the blue
I like you cause you’re new
Light and bright in black
My heart under attack

The perfection of the Meet-Cute
A lifelong obsession
Surprisingly resembled
Our Monday night confession
Stopped my habits in their tracks
You can’t be good for my depression

Will three weeks really change fate
One more day
One more kiss
Love can’t endure everything
Not even one as great as this

You redefine my fantasies
Hanging velvet tapestries
On my mind’s blind eye
Over what’s to come
At the start there was a finish line
But I’m not yet done
Delaying the inevitable
Is it that bad a crime?
I love you
It sounded good at the time.

I can only change the date
One more week
One more kiss
But I can’t change everything.
You’re going to be missed.

goldfish out of water

goldfish out of water

hot LA lady
in the downpour tonight
watch out
the acid rain'll wash out
the peroxide
orange streaks down her shoulder blades soaked
who thinks of packing a raincoat?

cold LA lady
can't find a place to duck under
run for cover
no one here cares
about the price of her dress
no one here knows
how she got into this mess

this is the most
of the east coast
that she'll write home about

Second Story

here's my first poem on the site. I wrote it in 2003 and I could try to morph it into a song, but i like it the way it is. rambling prose.

Second Story

I can barely differentiate
the faraway rhythmic percussion and wooing
coming from the club outside the plain drawn curtains
two flights up
from the muted reminder of my alienation
taunting from inside.
I try my best to appear aloof
but the game is always on -
I keep you in my peripheral
just in case... what?
you do something to warrant a more direct gaze?
you might possibly meet my stare?
I would have kept you in my line of sight
because of attraction,
curiosity
if you hadn't superseded my lust with hope
with that smile that is worth it when it shows itself
and your brief five fingers pressed on the edge of my shoulder
your asking someone to take a picture of us
you asking, not me making the first move
you inviting me to stay in your room after hours
not requesting I leave, almost imploring I stay
what a wonderful first day to end it by sleeping beside you.
Your wonderfullness gave me the incentive to want more
from the type of person I never expect anything at all

maybe you were my pillow that night
and i got carried away past my possibilities
because since then you became the guy I assumed you were
too attractive for me,
aloof
and cool.
All i always wanted to be,
never quite pulled off.
you were willing to stroke my back that night
but you never inched closer to me on the dancefloor
that spot on my shoulder turned cold
dissapeared from negligence.

i realize in two weeks you won't matter
but living in the moment has its disadvantages.
You consume me - where I look, what I hear
struggling desperately to hear your wild screaming
voice from downstairs, pick you apart from the
crowd from the second story
you danced past me
and my cynicism overrules the idea that you are
avoiding me because of my obvious infatuation
my head no more than 45 degrees turned from you at every moment
no, it's much worse
you don't even notice my dissapointment as your saunter past me
to cling to another girl who fits
nicely in her clothing
you don't even think to think about where I am
that I'm back here, curtains drawn, on the
second story
moved enough by your presence these past few days
to contemplate my own in general.

The Receptionist

The Receptionist

That girl, the receptionist
Front desk at Endeavor
Her hair, it's perfection
Her stilletos, her blazer
We've got the same job
But different faces
I'm thrown together, a slob
She's going places

That girl, the assistant
Twelve hours at Sony
Her friends growing distant
Her laugh growing phony
She picks up the phones
Files the faxes
She's never alone
Never relaxes

That woman, the executive
Someone I'll never be
Mt. Olympus is selective
At full capacity
I don't know how she does it
A mom, a boss, a wife
How many assistants does it
Take to screw up your life?

That girl in the mirror
That's who I am
A bit off, peculiar
I don't give a damn
Objective projections
I've pushed them away
After endless rejections
I'm doing okay

That star, constellation
Of possibility
It's a hallucination
Infinitely
Is there some purpose I haven't found
Wasting pennies on pipe dreams?
I'm still around without the sound
Of you humming my rhyme schemes

That girl, the receptionist
Dreaming of power
Career-driven perfectionist
Alone on her lunch hour
How much do you give away
Between nine and five
If you just live today
Then you're really alive

All The Planes and Postcards In All The World

all the planes and postcards in all the world

A perfect place exists where you'll never grow old
It's summer in the winter and I never got cold
In my head we're a play
Performed exactly how I say
It's the only thing left I can control

There's a little piece of you lost, and
I'm keeping it hostage
I won't give up my fantasies
Til you return the rest of me

All the planes and postcards in all the world, I doubt it
Could help us even if we would
Not a goddamn thing either of us can do about it
You and me, kiddo, we're in this for good

Trapped in the sand of smashed hourglasses
I squint as I take off my rose-tinted glasses
I left my land of enchantment
Traded it in for detachment
My default emotion seems to be broken

There's a little piece of you lost, and
I'm keeping it hostage
All that's left are memories
Give me back the best of me

All the planes and postcards in all the world, I doubt it
Could help us even if we would
Not a goddamn thing either of us can do about it
You and me, kiddo, we're in this for good

Peter Pan Complex

Peter Pan Complex

From the day you are born
You were slapped cross the face
And in five minutes time
You’ve got a living to make
You’ve got wives
You’ve got kids
You’ve got bills
You’ve got stress
And you’re wondering how you got into this mess

It was sex!
It was drugs
It was wine
It was booze
And all of those things
That grown ups do

So tell me a bedtime story
And please make sure to turn on the night light
Just let me keep on dreamin in bed
And I’ll be alright

I like to blow bubbles in my coffee
And on my way to work I let down my hair
Yes I know that I am nearly twenty
But lecture someone else
Cause I couldn’t care
Who cares?

I watch cartoons while I flip to the news
And pay all of my bills with houses and hotels
It was fun
Then it’s done
And it’s drowned down the sink
And I may be condemned for the way that I think

I want pink!
I want love!
I want beautiful skin
And anything else I could want on a whim
Call me sin
Call me names
Cause I’d rather play games
Then sell lots of stock and go insane

So give me my paycheck on payday
I’ll spend it on candy and clothes at the mall
Sure, I can drive, I can drink, I can vote
But I want to do it all

I like to blow bubbles in my coffee
And on my way to work I let down my hair
Yes I know that I am nearly thirty
But lecture someone else
Cause I couldn’t care
Who cares?

So, go ahead, wear your overpriced, prodigious
Armani business motifs
I’ll wear overalls
Be adorned with pigtails
And never have to think
About what will happen tomorrow
But what’ll happen right now

I like to blow bubbles in my coffee
And on my way to work I let down my hair
Yes I know that I am nearly fifty
But lecture someone else
Cause I couldn’t care!

Oh, I like to blow bubbles in my coffee
And I skip my way to work
And let down my hair
You might think
That life is full of worries
But I’ll still have a blast
As long as I’m there
Oh, who cares
As long as I’m there
Who cares?

Done

And we've now reached ACT II!!! There's a bunch more songs I still have to write for Act I, but I'm impatient to post everything I've finished so far. So Act II of my college musical, woot woot!

It's FIVE YEARS AFTER GRADUATION - about eight years since we left off at the end of Act I. Kathleen returns to her old high school and becomes a teacher. It’s been years since she’s heard from Damien. She reflects on where she is now in her life and maybe it was all for the best.

Done

KATHLEEN:
When I’m feeling more than blue
I recall this little speech:
Those who can, do
Those who can’t, teach

In my day I was a knockout
Back then I knew the game
I had it figured out
But now - it’s not the same

I’m at the head of the class
A view I’ve never seen
In school I’d barely pass
I was a preoccupied teen

More interested in looks
Than A Tale Of Two Cities
Never flipped through my books
Never joined the school committees

My priorities moronic
Now I think it’s quite ironic
I’m a hypocritical preacher
But kids listen cause I’m the teacher

I can’t say that it’s not scary
As I pause for a momentary
Breath sometimes; I’m very
Certain that I’m not quite sure
What I come in each day for
I use the school library
As my private sanctuary
Students are extremely wary
To enter its front door
No one likes to learn more
Than what’s truly necessary
My life is truly ordinary
In a job that’s stationery
I find it hard to score
Their tests while they snore
But our future was imaginary
As strongly as we both did care he
Acted quite the contrary
There won’t be an encore
It can’t be like before

Our time wasn’t perfect
We may not have endured
I’ve been given time to reflect
We could not be cured
We would have lasted longer
But in the end I am stronger

I don’t choose you
I choose me
The me that someday, one day
I will be
I know now it was for the best
To give up all the rest
Of what we would have eventually become

I’m done
I’m through wallowing inside
I’m done
I’m through swallowing my pride
I’m one
It’s true, there’s so much I’ve denied
Thinking I was only half of two
Thinking me alone won’t do

I’m done
Wishing on each star
I’m done
Wondering where you are
Someone
Left the door ajar
I finally have the strength to close it
He’s in the dark, but it’s me who knows it

From September till May
I try my best
Point my kids the right way
To pass life’s test
I remember the day
We were laid to rest
No matter what I’d say
Your heart went west

But now,
I’m done missing you
And all your extremes
I’m done kissing you
In all of my dreams
Preparing bliss with you
Us as husband and wife
Sharing this with you
A simple, planned out life

It’s finally clear
There’s no excuse
They need me here
I have a use
My heart can reappear
From its recluse
I veered to interfere
With my own abuse

I now know I’m not mistaken
To forsake the road not taken
It’s not too late
To redirect my fate
You’re not the only one who directs
I look forward to what’s next

Choices

Damien gets hired to be a production assistant on a film shooting in Los Angeles and he chooses to leave school - and Kathleen. Kathleen tries to get him to stay but fails at convincing him.

Choices


DAMIEN:
I choose my art
I don’t choose you
We’ll live apart
And I’ll lose you
Life is give and take
But mostly give
I’m not making a mistake
It’s how I chose -
--Choose -- to live

This is what I want
This is who I have to be
You are who I love
But more so,
I have to love me
I have to listen to my past
Can’t change my mind so fast
We’ll always have what we had
Our memories can last

KATHLEEN:
Say “have”, not “had”
We’re not yet past tense
I’m not just a passing fad
Stop making so much sense
Don’t listen to your art
It’s only there to flaunt
Just listen to your heart
It will tell you what you want
It will tell you what you really need
Only love and companionship
Not fame to succeed

Finish what you started
We can’t end this way
I won’t accept us parted
Tell me that you’ll stay
What about your degree?
Wasn’t that one mission?
What about me?
Aren’t I part of the decision?

DAMIEN:
I am this
And you are you
We have connected
But we remain two
We each have to follow our destiny
Where we individually belong
Whether or not you can agree
I’m choosing for us
I’m choosing for me
You’ll see
I know I’m not wrong

KATHLEEN:
How can you be so certain?
Don’t you wonder what else is there
What’s behind another curtain?
What’s down another path?
Stop staring straight ahead
There’s life underneath and up above
Our lives are not math
There are no set solutions
Logic has no business being mixed with love

DAMIEN:
I’ve become a man
This is how I’ve grown
I can’t change my plan
It’s all I’ve ever known
I am only human
And I don’t want to change
I only play to win
And I can’t rearrange
My life for another
I got here on my own
I’ll go through it alone
We’ll always remember each other

KATHLEEN:
You’re not yet a man
You are still a boy
You say you’ve set your plan
But will it bring you joy
Like I can?
I have things you can use
Let me be your muse
Why doesn’t happiness inspire art like sadness does
Why can’t it stay how it was
How it is—

DAMIEN: (with KATHLEEN)
Goodbye, Kathy
It seems sad
Don’t stay mad
Don’t think I don’t give a damn
But I’m packing up
And ready to move
And ready to prove who I am

KATHLEEN: (with DAMIEN)
Damien, no -
I won’t let you go
We can’t end this way
Tell me that you’ll stay
You can’t change me and leave
Changed all I believe
I no longer know who I am

Dust

Dust

Our names are just words
Covered by dust
Just like that old thing
That relationship
Been neglected for seven months

Sitting all alone
With pictures of us
Wondering what you're doing
What schemes you must be brewing
While our meaningless pictures are gathering dust

Today I wore your ring
And I wore with it your kisses
And all the nice things you ever said to me
There were five months on my finger
I couldn't resist it
And the street at dusk where you gave it to me
I wore you, too
it fit so nicely
and looked so shiny
and the cubic zirconia was diamond
I don't want to take you off again
I wore this anachronism
With my masochism recollecting us
Now it's only lonely back in its box
Collecting dust

Once I had kissed you
But maybe I dreamt it
What if I had
But I never had meant it?

Maybe it was love
Maybe it was lust
But all those words
And all those thoughts
Have been scraped off the wall
And flutter through the air
And fall across my face
Like dust

Sublime

this is the only song from my musical (Abbey sings it in Act 2) that I think can stand by itself without the plot getting in the way. I'm posting the "rockstar" version (aka the version where the rhyme schemes are a little bit more lax... in my musical I make sure every rhyme is PERFECT. cause i'm like that. sondheim would want it that way.)

Sublime

In the beginning, abusing
Was an unknown disgrace
They say it’s sinning I’m choosing
But it takes me out of this place
Neither winning nor losing
I’m not in the race
Gives me a different body
Gives me a different face
One that’s thinning and bruising
And slightly erased
Maybe you wouldn’t
But I would, and I do
Maybe I shouldn’t
It feels good, it’s so true
It’s not as bad as what they told me in school
They forgot to mention it makes you look cool

I’m not hurting anyone
I wanted to have fun
It’s been awhile
But I’m not done
I’ve wasted so much time
What I taste now is sublime

I’m over ending conversations with “no thanks”
Finally enjoying my time here on Earth
I’m through climbing society’s ranks
No longer concerned with how much I’m worth
It’s a blessed gift
Being able to drift

I’m not hurting anyone
I’ve never had such fun
I’m finally in style
No longer number one
I’ve wasted so much time
What I taste now is sublime

Cure all my social ills
With a palm of purple pills to devour
You don’t need special skills
That pay the bills
When it’s the thrills that fills each hour
Don’t need a life of frills
With the power spills that the pills fulfill
I’m exploring my endorphins
It’s the comedown that kills

People pick their vices
Mine’s not such a crisis

I’m disappointing everyone
Well – everyone but one
Only I can smile
While I come undone
I’ve wasted so much time
What I taste now is sublime

So I’m broke, living day by day
A line of coke, a song to play
I’m not a joke
I’m not what they say
I won’t provoke you to live this way
But I made my own deal
For me it’s ideal
If you don’t feel
Your life can’t waste away

So leave me alone
Forget all I’ve known
I don’t need it anymore
And I don’t need repairing
I’m better than before
I truly like not caring
It’s finally my time
To sit back, relax and feel sublime

Black Is The New Black

Black Is the New Black

How surprisingly silencing this loneliness can be
With company built in, attached just for me
Who always stays for dinner
And always stays the night in bed
A trust that’s not delivered
By those you’d rather be with instead

I’m in love with my doppelganger
My opposite, myself
Black to my red
Back in my bed
Both comfortable in night
Same problems, same history
Same music, same misery
Half a person on the same left side
Searching for what’s right

How were you a stranger?
You’re my troubled doppelganger

Spaghetti hugs barely hanging on
Slipping off once they’re on
Wrapped around without squeezing
Without making a dent in my clothing
Never fully pleasing
And you’re already releasing

I’m in love with my doppelganger
My opposite, myself
Black to my red
Back in my bed
Both comfortable in night
Same problems, same history
Same music, same misery
Half a person on the same left side
Searching for what’s right

How were you a stranger?
You’re my troubled doppelganger

Blood, sweat and tears all come from the same place
Blood, sweat and tears are running down your face

I should turn and give up, I know you're wrong
Instead I turn the volume up on your siren song
We can't fix each other
We both were made to break
Our baggage piled, smothered
I want to live with this mistake

I’m in love with my doppelganger
My opposite, myself
Black to my red
Back in my bed
Both comfortable in night
Same problems, same history
Same music, same misery
Half a person on the same left side
Searching for what’s right

Damien, King of Filmmakers

autobiography alert!!! (sorta - I have better taste in movies than Damien)

Damien gets the chance to quit school and move to LA to work on a film. He has to choose between his two loves - Kathleen and film. In this song, he reflects on why he wants to be a filmmaker.

Damien, King of Filmmakers


DAMIEN:
Damien, King of Filmmakers
You’re going to make us so proud
The quiet won’t try it
Besides they’re all fakers
And your voice is too loud
As it has been since birth
Now you’ve been allowed
To wow the huge crowd
At the film center of the Earth

When I was eight
I saw Woody Allen and Diane Keaton
Go on their date
Even that young I could appreciate
The movie’s broad humor
On the sex I was lost
But at any cost
Puberty did strike me much sooner
Damien, the early bloomer

When I was ten
I devoured mafia movies over and over again
All I watched was R-rated
Which my mom greatly hated
She stated
They’ll corrupt her little boy’s purity
I’m convinced they formed my maturity
Just don’t ask the girls that I’ve dated
They got to know me – then quickly vacated

Take this one girl I once took out--
We go to a film about an asteroid
I look over at her and she just looks annoyed
A day after our date she starts to avoid
My call
My lovelife practically destroyed
The only thing that fills the void
Is photographed pictures on celluloid
That’s all

Westerns, satires,
Spies and vampires
Any genre inspires
My need to create
Visual pictures that everyone knows
Holding on for dear life on a President’s nose
I’m ready for the unsteady life that I chose
So who needs a date?

Then there came you
What am I going to do?
Kathleen, Kathleen, the former prom queen…

To acquire what you desire
It’s required to put your entire
Life on the wire
It’s you, Kathy, and film that I love
It’s A or B or none of the above
How can I choose?
With either option I lose

Why can’t I find answers in my cinematic recollections?
Or my DVD collections?
The movies keep bringing me lifetime epiphanies
Dreams I have no choice but to chase
I want a Naked Lunch and Breakfast at Tiffany’s
While an ape throws a bone into space
A casual shower punctuated with a knife
Or a bicycle flying up over the moon
That’s how I want you to remember my life
I want success and I want it soon


The joy I’ve found with you, Kathy
Has been more romantic than Casablanca
For that, I have to thank ya
But a house, our kids
Playing on the floor
Dinner always served at five
I’ll never stop writing
I’ll never stop fighting
For something more
To make me alive

My reel flowing through a projector
Oh, I could finally kiss
This humdrum, standard, simple life away
The day
I'm honored the Year's Best Director!
My ultimate in bliss!


Every day would be Halloween
Staring at my giant name on the screen
One day I’ll be one of those faces
That the mass public fully embraces
A sip of champagne
Today’s Citizen Kane!
And my past life of common routine
It erases.

What I know for sure
I’m no amateur
I’m Damien
King of Filmmakers
And a king does not detour
I cannot be deterred
By potential sad farewells
I have to be heard
I’m the next Orson Welles!

The Zoo

The Zoo

We had the whole weekend planned from the start
That night when I foolishly handed you my heart
You and me on our own
Camping overnight at the zoo
I couldn't have known
That's when we'd be through

It was a fight about a fight
Where no one could be awarded right
Your torrid might unexpectedly exploded
Accusatory finger thrown in my face, in fear
Held at gunpoint, your insults were loaded
Wish I could be replaced anyplace but here

Blamed my drama on being American
You probly can't remember, but I still can
In our pitched tent
Inside you went
As you took me from above
We made something in that tent
It no longer was love
Just a mess
I redressed
Cried alone in the bathroom stall
When I came back
You reacted
Like the whole scene was redacted
Like nothing had happened at all
I suppressed
Hid my tears in a cough
We kept going, but really
That's when I called it all off

A zoo is for families
Children and parents
They can spot out fallacies
And ours was apparent
The animals were joyous
They watched as you destroyed us
Thought I mattered more to you
But what's a girl to do
Shattered at the zoo

I waited for your apology
But when you spoke
You proposed to me
As a joke
I would have said okay
If only you meant it
I'm your three-month holiday
But that's not how I spent it
I guess I was delerious
To believe that we were serious
At least I was for you
But what's a girl to do
Engaged in rage
While trapped in a cage at the zoo

You and me, we were doomed from the start
I regret, can't forget, should have rolled up the heart
Safety-pinned to my sleeve
When I woke up next to you
I wish I didn't leave
Before I spoke up to you
I'm left to bereave
Train myself to believe
We broke up at the zoo
We broke up at the zoo
We broke up at the zoo

Home for Thanksgiving

this song was pretty boring when I first started it. Then it became epic with the addition of one story element (her dad) and it took on a life of its own. I'm very proud of it.

Abbey has yet to break into any social groups in college – she mostly keeps to herself, out of fear for what drugs, boys and alcohol might bring upon her potential. She misses home and wants to transfer to a school closer to her mother. She tries to bring this up during Thanksgiving dinner but no one listens to her. Abbey also discusses her father’s absence at Thanksgiving and in her life.

Home For Thanksgiving

ABBEY:
I’m home for Thanksgiving
And I’m thankful for that
Windchimes in the window
Being pawed by our cat
The bedroom, my toys I’ve kept since birth
Distance forces you to realize a true home’s worth

I sit and I stare
At my baby photos on the wall
So young and naive
I haven’t changed at all
I miss my home’s warmth and familiarity
Comfort has become something of a rarity

But trust me--
Thanksgiving isn’t for a beginner!
I sit down with my family for dinner
My aunt says – I thought you’d get thinner
Uncle Todd asks if I’m getting taller
Like a toddler he hands me a dollar
Because, I quote, “You’re an excellent scholar”
My cousins pry if I’ve got a guy
Gramma wonders why I’m so shy
I feel I’m about to cry
Or develop a syndrome
I want to hide
They never let me be
The maternal side
Of my extended family
But even so
Inside I know
I’m back home
Truly home

The table is full, the cider poured
I clasp my hands and say grace
As my cousins kick me, already bored
I strain to remember his face
I always notice the empty chair
At the end of the table
Daddy would be sitting there
If he were able

Daddy drank
Every night mother would find
Daddy’s breath stank
He said he needed to unwind
From a long day at work
Mother was always attracted to danger
But he stopped being kind
He changed into a jerk
He became a complete stranger
Then she changed her mind
Drinking wasn’t a quirk
He used it to exchange her

Gramma passes me a yam
I wonder if Daddy knows who I am

Daddy didn’t get an education
Daddy gambled his life at the racetrack
Daddy lived life like one long vacation
And he never came back
Daddy forgot he had a child and wife
But don’t we all sometimes need a break from life?
That shouldn’t make you a sinner
But that’s why he’s not here at Thanksgiving dinner

I mumble for the sweet potato
Nobody hears me – it’s the status quo
So – where did he go?

Mom’s family didn’t like him, he’s gone and they’re glad
But what if I’m like him? He was my dad
For a little bit
The only one that I got
But mom got hit
And then he split
I barely knew him
But I have to admit
Unfit or not
I’m sad that he quit
He’s missed a lot

I tell my mother
I passed my chemistry test
She passes me a turkey breast
There’s no room for surprise
When you’re always awarded first prize
Perfect to a fault
She passes me the salt

Mother
Thank you for the loan
I couldn’t do it on my own
And thank you for all that you’ve done while I’ve grown

Mother
Don’t you miss our girl’s days out?
Don’t you miss our heart to hearts?
College is this impersonal machine
And I don’t have the parts

It’s not that I don’t love it
Everyone’s quite nice
I just feel I’m above it
I’ve been lonely once or twice

It’s so far away
So, what do you say
I transfer somewhere near?
I could get a PHD just as easily
I’d only lose a year

I think she thinks I’m bluffing
She passes me the stuffing

Abbey, don’t be dumb
You chose to be farther away
Don’t act like a bum
Just like your father did each day
We don’t give up
We stick with what’s essential
You have to work to live up
To your full potential
Only failure’s shed tears
Do what I said
It’s only four years
Not counting pre-med

I look down at my plate
Unable to communicate
I don’t notice the food I’m chewing
I keep wondering what Daddy is doing

Is he warm where he is?
Does he know that I’m his?
Or has he forgotten my face, too?
Does he have a new family
One that he likes more?
One that let him be who he is
I hope that he’s happy, wherever he is
Family shouldn’t be a chore

I don’t know how to grieve
I wonder – why did he leave?
Could it be mother?
Did she bring him joy in bed?
Or was a girl too much a bother?
Did he want a boy instead?
Daddy didn’t give me a sister or brother
Daddy didn’t stick around long enough for another
For most of my life it’s just been me and mother

My one memory of him is his heavy arm
Holding a cold beer
I don’t remember him doing any harm
I wish daddy were still here
Daddy couldn’t’ve been that bad
Bad times would still be worth it
To have a dad

But Mother’s not as forgiving
If he only got to know me
He’d tell me to stay
If he hadn’t gone away…
I wish I knew where…if… he was living.

Oh well. Happy Thanksgiving.

Should

Should

Should have ripped you off quickly like a band aid
It would have hurt but then you'd be gone
Instead you're coming off slowly, unfolding
The scar you made
Thought it was a scratch but it's been much too long

Should have accepted this was coming
How do you prepare for someone you don't know you'd meet?
I'm diseased with resentment, the present
Is numbing
There's no use for it now, should have kept the reciept

If I don't learn from our relationship
I'm bound to repeat it
I hope the next one I have sticks
Around long enough to complete it

You've got me upset to my stomach
with our memories, but what of it
I've got rope burn holding onto the good
Why's it so easy for you when I'm quesy?
Stuck on if I should
Let you forget you
And me
Never thought you would

Should have learned the etiquette
The ex rules, standard break-up laws
There's no compromise, the lies
That there's a right way to end it
I heard it all in your dramatic pause

If I don't learn from our relationship
I'm bound to repeat it
I hope the next one I have sticks
Around long enough to complete it

You've got me upset to my stomach
with our memories, but what of it
I've got rope burn holding onto the good
Why's it so easy for you when I'm quesy?
Stuck on if I should
Let you forget you
And me
Never thought you would

My heart attack's
Your hiccup
You give up
And don't look back

Should have done a lot of things
Even my hindsight's blurred
Refill the prescription, it's fiction
That we were pulling the strings
No matter what happened we could not be cured

You've got me upset to my stomach
with our memories, but what of it
I've got rope burn holding onto the good
Why's it so easy for you when I'm quesy?
Stuck on if I should
Let you forget you
And me
Never thought you would

A Little Romance

Musical quartet alert!!!

Damien and Kathleen start dating – this is the first real, loving relationship Kathleen’s ever been in where the guy respects her. This is Damien’s first relationship, period.

Scott gets tons of girls, but there are never any real feelings involved.

Abbey still hasn’t adjusted to social college life.

Everyone's sick in this song - Damien and Kathleen give each other the flu, but take care of one another. Abbey has pnemonia, but no mother around to take care of her - she doesn't know how to survive on her own. Scott drinks too much and parties too much and it starts to take a toll on his health.

A Little Romance

DAMIEN:
A little romance
It makes a nice change
I took a chance
Even that was quite strange

I’m the luckiest guy on earth
To have a girl like Kathleen
She’s my Rita Hayworth
I’m a stud like James Dean

Always keeping it sarcastic
Pretending I’ve a heart of plastic
But now I simply feel fantastic
With this little romance of mine
Everything’s fine

SCOTT:
A little romance
But a lot more lust
Take off your pants
Don’t think, just thrust

You need love to be set free
That’s a bunch of bull
My heart feels empty
But my schedule’s always full

What could be more appealing
Than a girl before you kneeling
Easier than really feeling
And a way to pass the night
Everything’s… alright

KATHLEEN:
A little romance
And sexual tension
Guess I don’t need implants
To get the boys’ attention

I always had a boyfriend
Some of them would cheat
No matter, I’d pretend
My life was complete

The most liked girl in high school
With a guy extremely un-cool
Vulnerable to ridicule
But let my friends stare
I don’t care

ABBEY:
A little romance
Even flirting would suffice
A girl like Kathleen enchants
All I am is “nice”

Men aren’t drawn
To a girl with just a brain
I make myself yawn
All I do now is complain

Who needs love? I’ve got my grade
Eighteen and never disobeyed
Fate as a perpetual bridesmaid
So many worlds left unexplored
I’m bored

ALL:
A little romance
Not a lot, but enough
Thought I was complete
Never messed with the stuff

DAMIEN:
I feel like a king
Transformed from the jester
Got the world on a string
In just half a semester

KATHLEEN:
Thought I knew the words
To every love song
I got it backwards
I had love all wrong

ABBEY:
What I’d give to swap
A life like Kathleen’s
The only guy’s list I top
Every time is the Dean’s

SCOTT:
I’m a real lucky guy
To have all this
I always try to justify
Not having someone to miss

ALL:
I didn’t volunteer
For these heart transplants
What do I do now that it’s here?
This little romance

I once was devout
To circumstance, I swore
But I can't live without
A little romance anymore

Undeclared

Scott is my favorite character in my musical just because of this song. I've written thirteen songs so far and out of all of those, Scott only has this one and is featured in three others. But this song, I'm very proud of it. It's gotten the best reaction out of all my songs I've ever written. Way to hype it up, huh??

Scott comes from a privileged family who told him he could go anywhere he wanted to go and do whatever he wanted to do. Scott is good looking, popular, a high school sports star, and has no idea what he wants to do in his life. He can't decide on a major, and he spends all his time with his new frat buddies picking up girls and living in the moment.

Undeclared

SCOTT:
I’m undeclared
Unprepared for reality
I don’t know what the world wants from me
What I want from myself
Who is this Scott?
My mother tells me have a good year
My father points to the awards on the shelf
The atmosphere is insincere
They expect a lot
Just take another shot
Drink another beer
Have a good year

FRAT BROTHERS:
Alpha Beta Phi
It’s our friendship and you have to pay your dues
Are you our kinda guy?
One that a sorority chick screws
On us you can rely
For brotherhood and for booze
We don’t even have to try
For the best fraternal reviews
With Alpha Beta Phi
Get our point? You can’t lose
Grab a joint, get high
And choose!

SCOTT:
Could I be satisfied
Classified as this?
I haven’t been denied
Or tried a lot to miss
Out on the field
I can shield what I’m really thinking
I’m quickly healed
That’s what appealed me to drinking
Pot brownies for a meal

FRAT BROTHERS:
Rush!

SCOTT:
The best way to taste the day

FRAT BROTHERS:
Rush!

SCOTT:
If you just don’t feel

FRAT BROTHERS:
Lush!

SCOTT:
Can’t feel your life waste away

FRAT BROTHERS:
Join us!

SCOTT:
Totally numb to what won’t come
Wash it down with gin
You’re ready to begin

FRAT BROTHERS:
Delta Delta Delta
I’ve felt ya, felt ya, felt ya!
A busty Kappa slut
Will bust you out of your rut!
So many houses, so many choices
See-through blouses and sexy voices!
All yours for the taking
Who cares if they’re faking?
In the dark you’ll make your mark!
So make us your first choice!

SCOTT:
Why should I declare now
A future I’m unaware of?
I think it’s awfully rare how
Some people fully swear love
To just one side of their personality
The rest not allowed to show
A major personal fatality
To limit how far you can grow
That can’t be my reality

FRAT BROTHERS:
We can show
You where to go
Do some blow
And you’ll know
You’re our new bro

SCOTT:
Life is waiting, but it can wait
While I score another date
The time is mine to just relax
Keep the books on their bookstacks
Use everything the frat has taught
And that’s a lot
Enjoy what you’ve got
Take another shot
Chug another beer
Have a good year
As Scott

The Film Scene

And now we're introduced to Kathleen and Damien:

Damien is majoring in film and prides himself on his creative side. He’s been supported his whole life by friends and family who don’t have the heart to tell him he isn’t a very good filmmaker or writer. The fact that he got into film school makes him believe even more how talented he is. Damien isn’t a loser, but a loner and a film geek. He has to film a scene for class but no one has auditioned for the role all day, except...

Kathleen, a very attractive girl who isn’t the best actress and has also lived a sheltered life free of criticism. She was one of the popular girls in high school, and her main goal in college was to get into a sorority. She wasn’t accepted to any. With nowhere else to go, she decides to become an actress, just because it seems glamorous. She didn’t get into any of the mainstage productions, so she settles for student projects.

The Film Scene

Damien sets up his camera. Kathleen enters.

KATHLEEN:
Are you Damien? I’m Kathleen
I’m here for the scene
I auditioned for the play
But MacBeth is so obscene!
So. Here’s my resume!

he takes it from her and reads it

DAMIEN:
It says here you were... prom queen?

KATHLEEN:
I’ve also done ballet.

DAMIEN:
There’s never been a girl more fit for the screen
Of all the girls I’ve seen today
Let’s just get this out of the way

KATHLEEN:
Okay!
Oh, by the way,
Does this pay?

DAMIEN:
Copy and credit as compensation
For the scene’s duration

KATHLEEN:
Met with much appreciation!

He hands her the script.

DAMIEN:
So – it’s Kathleen, right?
You’re a wife
You hate your husband and hate your life
So you pick up a carving knife
You won’t compromise!
It’s noir, so it takes place at night
Noir – it’s German for “no light”
I’m filming it in black and white
Can you memorize?
I’d also like an actress that cries on cue

He stares at her. Oh. She tries it – badly.

You’ll have to do.
Just sit right there in the chair
It won’t be long - I will direct you
If you do anything wrong then I will correct you.
Okay – I need a big reaction, he just walked in, and—
Action!

Kathleen reads from the script.

KATHLEEN:
Bob – you’ve finally returned
And you’ve got me burned
Don’t you kid me
I’m not just a wife, I’ve got a life
You can’t forbid me
Now you’ve learned
You’ve opened the door that I won’t shut—
Cut!

DAMIEN:
What?

KATHLEEN:
Cut?

DAMIEN:
That’s kind of my job.

KATHLEEN:
Damien, excuse me
I’ve got a problem with Bob.
Does he abuse me?
I’m an awful wife
Am I supposed to stab him with this knife?
It’s a very one sided fight
And can we get some more light?

DAMIEN:
This is how you shoot for noir! Now Bob walks through the door--

KATHLEEN:
But what exactly is my motive?

DAMIEN:
Well – Bob’s robbed you a life you want to live
You refuse to forgive
He’s oafish and mean!
You no longer want him alive!
I’ve got to return this equipment by five
Just read the scene
And memorize

KATHLEEN:
I apologize.

She looks up from script.

Bob, I won’t take it anymore
You hit me and in bed you snore
Sleeping with you is my most dreaded chore
And when you entered that front door
I think of the day I finally swore
I would never live as before
I am woman, hear me roar!
A voice so loud you can’t ignore!
Therefore
This is war!

DAMIEN:
Lightening strikes! It starts to pour!

KATHLEEN:
Excuse me?

DAMIEN:
Narration – for the mood.

KATHLEEN:
It’s awfully rude.

DAMIEN:
Please go on – you’ve got me glued.

KATHLEEN:
I’m sorry, but I have to admit
Who wrote this piece of shit?

DAMIEN:
It’s a scene from my feature – “The Black Widow Creature”

KATHLEEN:
I’m sure one day it’ll be a hit.
But isn’t the writing a bit on the nose?

DAMIEN:
This is how Hollywood goes.

KATHLEEN:
I suppose...

DAMIEN:
Your clothes.

KATHLEEN:
Yes?

DAMIEN:
You’ll have to redress
They’re red and green
Those colors won’t show up on screen
They aren’t right for black and white

KATHLEEN:
Damien – if I may
I know I’ve met you just today
But I think you’re missing the point
The purpose of a movie
Is forcing us to see
Our humanity
We’ve got to believe it
Or your audience will leave it be
So don’t disappoint
Damien, no one would say this
I simply can’t play this

DAMIEN:
Maybe you just can’t act.

KATHLEEN:
That could be true
Or maybe you’re scared of the fact
That your talent’s not all it’s cracked up to be
But just cracked
I know it’s hard to take advice
From a former prom queen
But believe me – I’m being nice
I’d like to help with your scene
Is it that big a sacrifice
To share credit?

DAMIEN:
A little bit.

KATHLEEN:
Don’t let it.
Collaboration helps you grow
Show business is always more “business” than “show”
Now first thing’s first – the title’s gotta go.

Most Likely To Succeed

introducing Abbey, 1/4 the star of my musical:

Abbey is shy, prude, inexperienced in social settings, and is double-majoring in biology and chemistry. She hasn’t gotten out much and has a very one-sided, naive view of the world, courtesy of her over-protective mother. Her roommate, Kathleen, a more sociable girl, invites her to a frat party that night and asks if she likes to “party”. Abbey doesn't know if she likes to party since she's never done it, but she doesn't want to find out, either.

TRIVIA ALERT! This is the first song I began and finished for the musical, and it's completely based off the first four lines popping into my head one day randomly. Who knew it would steamroll into something a lot more substantial?

Most Likely To Succeed

ABBEY:
I don’t drink
I’d rather think
And my mother tells me liquor kills your smarts
That’s where it starts!
Just one tequila shot
And POOF! You’re onto pot
Then snuff and crack
X as a snack
Strayed way off track
A maniac!
Sound the alarm!
There’s a needle in your arm
Then you’ve spawned a bastard child!
And you tell me “what’s the harm!”
Forgive me if I live my life more mild

No – I’ve never tried, as you’ve implied
Drug abuse has multiplied
I’m not surprised you’re satisfied
Caught in the stampede
And besides
I’m dignified – you see,
I confide – with pride
My senior class voted me
Most Likely to Succeed

My brain is my trophy, on display for all to stare
It’s hidden by a bird’s nest of shy, brunette hair
It always picks the right choice
No cause for much rejoice
I’m predictably prepared for the slightest scare

Boring – some call me boring
But I know there’s more in store for me
I’m not yet the woman I could be
The one my mother tells me I should be
One not worth ignoring
I wouldn’t mind a PHD
My degree will guarantee
Me soaring
So, my scoring’s my identity
But I always get an A
I guess that’s okay
Although a bit stressed
Proving you’re the best on each aptitude test
That’s the kind of mess you’re forced to address
When you’re destined for success

I’m not here for beer
For late nights or for friends
I volunteer to disappear in fear
When a coed wanders near
I’m at a social disadvantage
But it comes with the package
Until this freshman year ends
I know school’s for schooling, and Greek
Boys are tools for fooling the weak
And I’ve already agreed
To these unfair expectations you have to exceed
When you’re likely to succeed

I thought in college, people like me would thrive
Best to my knowledge, it’s where people like me would finally feel alive
But the boys have never flocked
I’ve never been that shocked
I’ve never been much talked about
I can’t see the whole attraction
I avoid the whole distraction
It’s one big chain reaction
With the slightest bit of doubt
No – I’ll never know
And live without

So I don’t drink liquor
And I don’t need weed
I’ll reach my goals quicker
I’m at break-neck speed
I’m picked to succeed!

Goodbye

So, to make me even more unemployable, I am a New Yorker living in Los Angeles writing a musical. That's right - I flew to the other side of the country to aspire to be something that New York is excplicitly known for - good theatre. I am forever choosing the scenic route through life.

So here's Song #1 from my musical about how fucked up life is. I mean, about college and real life and how they're nothing like one another.

In this opening song, the four incoming freshman say goodbye to their families and are excited about starting a whole new chapter of their lives.

Goodbye

DAMIEN:
Goodbye mom
Goodbye dad
Goodbye home
It seems sad
A major change in the program
But I’m packing up
And ready to move
Ready to prove who I am

KATHLEEN:
Goodbye mom
Goodbye dad
Say hello to
An undergrad!
I know you’ll miss me a lot
But I’m packing up
And ready to move
Ready to prove what I’ve got

SCOTT:
Goodbye folks
I’ll call ya now and then
I can’t wait to relive
High school over again
But this time there’s no chaperones
Thanks for the cash
But I’ve gotta dash
I’ve got freshman in college hormones!

ABBEY:
Goodbye mom
I’ll call you tonight
I’ll do just as you say
Shake hands, be polite
But I won’t forget my purpose
Maintain a four point o
While inside I know
Nothing could ever usurp us


DAMIEN:
My life has always been defined
With a camera glued to my hand
And a story stuck in my mind
I’ll make them understand
The entertainment industry is calling
Gotta enter, no time to be stalling

ABBEY:
Doctors are always needed
I’ll gladly spend my life helping the sick
So far I’ve always succeeded
But I hope these four years go by quick
I admit in the past I’ve felt smothered
But you’re never too old to be mothered

KATHLEEN:
I’ll be cast as the lead in the play, and then
I’ll be president of my sorority
Making everyone jealous as sin
Will be my main priority
There’s nothing I can’t anticipate
I’ve got my whole life planned out great

SCOTT:
I never cared about school at all
But dad paid, so why not, I’m going
A busted knee, so no chance of football
I’ll focus on those wild oats that need sowing
I’ll ace my anatomy classes
Studying these college girls’ asses!

ABBEY / DAMIEN:
First day of school, today
Is when my genius premieres
I’ve failed everyone unless
I pave my own way
These four important years
Are prologue to success

SCOTT / KATHLEEN:
You’ve taught me all you’ve known
It’s all forgot
Sure you’d disapprove
I’ll learn life on my own
Mistakes are what
It takes to improve

KATHLEEN:
To be the best

DAMIEN:
To be obsessed

ABBEY:
To pass the test

SCOTT:
To take a rest

KATHLEEN:
To impress

DAMIEN:
To express

ABBEY:
To progress

SCOTT:
To repress

KATHLEEN:
To be in control

SCOTT:
To find my soul

ABBEY:
To reach my goal

DAMIEN:
To perfect my art

ALL:
I’m here

SCOTT:
Drum roll!

ALL:
Life can start

Rebound Girl

Rebound Girl

Rebound girl, rebound girl
We're bound to end sooner or later
Rebound girl, your ex-girl
I sound like her but I can't replace her
Why do I keep trying
From the start we were dying
It's a messed up world
When you met me you found
Your rebound girl

I attract you
Just to distract you
I'll never have you
That's what a time filler does
Can't live up to perfection
Of your nostalgic obsession
I'm a funhouse reflection
Of everything she was

Rebound girl, rebound girl
We're bound to end sooner or later
Rebound girl, your ex-girl
I sound like her but I can't replace her
Why do I keep trying
From the start you were lying
To yourself and to me
She's gone and I'm around
Temporarily

It's my own fault I cared
My own heart's not fully repaired
Though at least I dared
To try it again
Her absence has kept
You completely bereft
And I'm all that's left
I don't need another friend

She gave you a lot
But i'm here and she's not
I'm offering what
You miss every night
You're glad to pretend
That you and her didn't end
While it's me in your bed
Turned off the lights

It's not fair I have to compete
With someone I'll never meet
Who made you complete

Rebound girl, rebound girl
We're bound to end sooner or later
Rebound girl, your ex-girl
I sound like her but I can't replace her
Why do I keep trying
From the start we were dying
It's a messed up world
When you met me you found
Your rebound girl

Hollywood Is A Great Place To Live... If You're A Grapefruit

Hollywood Is a Great Place to Live… If You're a Grapefruit

Dear boy, you haven't seen the world till you've seen mine
We'll whisky a-go-go where the rum and cokes flow like gallo wine
We'll hablo espanol like we know what we're saying
There's no better place on Earth made for playing

Like Los Angeles
La la la la la la la la Los Angeles

It's always sunny in LA
The riot flames are bright
At Sunset that's when fun begins
The sky is pink at night

Save me from the place of beauty
Traffic jammed with freeways
Gawk at all the pretty cars
We'll walk into the pretty bars
And stalk all of the pretty stars
Talk about a perfect LA day
It could be like this always

In Los Angeles
La la la la la la la la Los Angeles
La la la la la la la la Los Angeles

Fly across the ocean
And land into a motion picture
Leave your simple life behind
There's nothing here that you can't find
It'll be just like a movie
That's my guaranteed solution
It's you and me
and the constant air pollution

I know what you're going to say
It's too far away
From reality
But it's my backyard
It's not that hard
To love LA
Won't you stay
With me

Quit your day job and live with me
In Los Angeles
La la la la la la la Los Angeles
Come meet all my actor friends
La la la la la la la Los Angeles
Where dreams are possibilities
And dreaming never ends

In five hundred years we'll all be drowned
But it's okay
If you're here with me now
In my town

I'm stuck here in Los Angeles
La la la la la la la la Los Angeles
No luck here in Los Angeles
La la la la la la la la Los Angeles
Till I get rich and move far away
Tomorrow's another sunny day
In LA

La la la la la la la la Los Angeles
La la la la la la la love Los Angeles

You'd Like This Song, Too Bad It's About You

You’d Like This Song, Too Bad It's About You

We met, we kissed, we fell in love
In that order on that night back Home
It was simple and sincere and just enough
I never feel that right alone
Scared to give it up so quickly
Finally healthy when I’ve acted so sickly

Now it’s all my fault
I’m gone, I’m gone
I can’t sugarcoat the ache
For a stupid song

Let’s call this what it is
And not what it’s not
I’m just a girl you loved
Then someone you forgot
Metaphors are lost on me
This heartbreak isn’t therapy
This isn’t “like” anything else
This stands alone by itself

You said I was the center of your universe
Turns out your universe was ten square kilometers
We ceased, we’re deceased and what’s even worse
You’ve got a new flame – I’d kill to meet her
It’s driving me insane, don’t know what to do
I left much too soon

Let’s call this what it is
And not what it’s not
I’m just a girl you fucked
up and lost
Metaphors are lost on me
You took away my irony
This isn’t “like” anything else
This stands alone by itself

I could say
You shot an arrow into my heart
It bled dry and crumbled apart
Just douse the wound with alcohol
So I can’t feel the sting at all
Our memories are a noose
But really what’s the use?

Now it’s all my fault
I’m gone, gone
Can’t admit we don’t belong

Let’s call this what it is
And not what it’s not
I’m just a girl you kissed
Or maybe not
Metaphors are lost on me
Our time was just a fantasy
This isn’t “like” anything else
This stands alone by itself

I’m gone, I’m gone
I can’t sugarcoat the ache
For a stupid song

Cloth

Cloth

Loving him was almost as painful as growing up
Somehow I made it through both without blowing myself up
I had a plan in my hands but I dropped it
Life was full speed ahead but an accident stopped it
It all slowed down
He was nowhere around

His love was dear but rough and I burned out
It wasn’t nearly enough for me as it turned out
I thought I was dead and I made my peace
The fireworks sparked as a final release
The crowd cheered
Then they all disappeared

Imagine my surprise to find you
Didn’t even have to try to find you

We’re cut from the same cloth, you and me
Laid down on the bed delicately
Egyptian cotton or lovely blue velvet
Who we are, I can’t tell yet
But you feel soft against my skin
Wrapped up in love again

The timing’s not perfect, but it never is
She’s no longer yours and I’m no longer his
It’s slow and it’s sweet, I wasn’t expecting
To like the image my mirror’s reflecting
We’ve got the same past
maybe we could last

Imagine my surprise to find you
Didn’t even have to try to find you

We’re cut from the same cloth, you and me
Laid down on the bed delicately
Egyptian cotton or lovely blue velvet
Who we are, I can’t tell yet
But you feel soft against my skin
Wrapped up in love again

Swimming in cashmere
Believing that you’re here to stay
At least for one more day

We’re cut from the same cloth, you and me
Laid down on the bed delicately
Egyptian cotton or lovely blue velvet
Who we are, I can’t tell yet
But you feel soft against my skin
Wrapped up in love again

Partner in Crime

Partner in Crime


I've done some evil things and I'm not proud
But I'm lucky enough to have found your face in the crowd
You whip out your machete on our first date
And stab the waiter in the face cause our food was late
You know how to treat a lady
And I swoon
That's what people crazy
In love will do

We could be Mickey and Mallory
On the cover of the national magazines
On the run
Splattered with blood
We sure make a pretty great team

I want us to be Bonnie and Clyde
I'm looking for a partner in crime
We'll rob a bank
It's you I thank
For making me feel so alive

If I'm stuck with you in jail
I hope we never make bail
I'll carve some soap into a knife
I'm your crazy outlaw wife
I'll distract the guard while you attack
No matter what happens I've got your back
We'll spread terror around this land
Hand in hand
And never look back

We could be Mickey and Mallory
Interviewed on TV screens
On the run
Splattered with blood
We sure make a pretty great team

I want us to be Bonnie and Clyde
I'm looking for a partner in crime
We'll rob a bank
It's you I thank
For making me feel so alive

We'll elope in Vegas
Our parents won't attend
Our families' all dead
They'll never trace us
We get in lots of trouble
But we're functional as a couple

When you're in the room no one else exists
I'm number one on your most wanted list
When I get the chair
I hope you're there
Can you see the sparks
Our love makes in the dark

We could be Mickey and Mallory
On the cover of the national magazines
On the run
Splattered with blood
We sure make a pretty great team

I want us to be Bonnie and Clyde
I'm looking for a partner in crime
We'll rob a bank
It's you I thank
For making me feel so alive

7, 488

7,488

My expiration date
Arrives in a week
I’m great, but past the date
Once forgotten
I go rotten

Time hasn’t passed
Our time went by too fast

I keep trying to convince you
So here’s my last shot
It’s just seven thousand
Four hundred and eighty eight miles
It feels like a million
But it’s not

Twelve thousand fifty one kilometers
Between you and me
It’s nothing when you look at the world
Objectively

We’re closer to each other
Than the north and south pole
I’m closer to you
Than with anyone I know

I keep trying to convince you
So here’s my last shot
It’s just seven thousand
Four hundred and eighty eight miles
It feels like a million
But it’s not

There’s more to it
But still it’s a start
It’s less than eight thousand miles
That keeps us apart

We both own a phone
I once owned a heart
But when I came home
It shattered apart

I stood at the ocean’s edge
On my side of the Pacific
One step closer to you
And it felt terrific
It was so blue
I was, too
I try

I keep trying to convince you
So here’s my last shot
It’s just seven thousand
Four hundred and eighty eight miles
It feels like a million
But it’s not

You don’t see it the same
But I understand
Might as well be a million
When you’re not holding my hand

It’s just
Seven thousand, four hundred, eighty eight miles
Twelve hundred dollars plus tax for the flight
The change of the seasons
Our family and friends
Your job
My career
Your new girlfriend
who’s with you each night
Okay it’s a lot
It really feels like
there’s a million reasons to forget you
But there’s not

Time hasn't passed
Our time went by too fast
Once forgotten
I go rotten
So don’t wait

Obviously, Doctor, You've Never Been A Thirteen-Year Old Girl

Obviously, Doctor, You've Never Been A Thirteen-Year Old Girl


in junior high, i hoped for all girls
Splitting up the genitalia we'd soon utilize
the stout, the skrawny, the before-their-time boys
thumping in their oversized Vans for first prize

the pony-tailed, high pitched pink KEDS to the back
loosened laces and rubber skid on the surface, shilacked
the boys' voices, not yet breaking, out of breath screaming
while the girls twirled their hair, forever daydreaming

Isn't it great to be thirteen
You got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
There's no such thing as gravity
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

The pink KEDS never learned how to play
pushed to the back wall out of the way
except for the Tomboy, who'd one day get detention
for getting caught with the jock just to get his attention

Never listened to the gym teacher's reinforcements
Conditioned to adapt to a stoic's performance
They passed and jumped within
Ignored the mannequins
Staring at their swatch
The ball would roll by like tumbleweed
And we'd just watch

Isn't it great to be thirteen
You got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
There's no such thing as gravity
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

You've got a stalker hanging by your locker
Covered in lisa frank stickers
You bleed out all the snickers
From the jailbait cheerleaders

You attract all the guys with their raging hormones
And distract with your sighs and your wailing whore moans
You're just following instructions
From the older girls' self-destructions

Isn't it great to be thirteen
You got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
There's no such thing as gravity
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

It's exotic, narcotics, you swallow it down
You're psychotic, you've got it all figured out
you belong to the throng, it's all you have
bridge jumping is the newest fad
In a sense, it's all a lie
So kiss your innocence goodbye

Little girl, ditch the boys
You blew inside the school hallways
Echoing with high pitched noise
Suicide can save a rainy day

Isn't it great to be thirteen
Got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

Don't worry, you'll escape alive
You still've got high school to survive