For Her Sake, I Hope You Don't Realize This Is About You

For Her Sake, I Hope You Don't Realize This Is About You

I miss our nights of ordering in
Never thought that's something I'd one day be missing
I'd lay on your shoulder and complain about him
Just a few more inches and we'd be kissing

We'd waste the night doing not that much
Your roommate's out of town, got the place to ourselves
Drinking, thinking how we could possibly touch
Our friendship was perfect but I went through hell

You used to tell me all your secrets
But now you whisper them to her
It was never about the sex
Forget the way we were
She's just the one that you prefer

Always assumed it would happen one day
Destiny, fate and other big words
I never had the courage to stand up and say
Swallowed it down not to make things awkward

Now I stumble my way through euphimisms
To platonically express just how great you are
Funny enough, that's my one criticism
If you change your mind... I won't be too far

You used to tell me all your secrets
But now you whisper them to her
It was never about the sex
Forget the way we were
She's just the one that you prefer

Hanging out
Just meant
Hanging out

I think I'll build a time machine
Go back and relive the moments I wasted
Enjoy the thought, we could have been
Your voice on my ear, your mouth never tasted

You used to tell me all your secrets
But now you whisper them to her
It was never about the sex
Forget the way we were
She's just the one that you prefer

The Ladies Who Lunch (And Immediately Throw It Back Up)

i may as well post some of the parodies I write in here. Here's one about "celebutards", sung to the tune of Sondheim's The Ladies Who Lunch from "Company."

The Ladies Who Lunch (And Immediately Throw It Back Up)

Here's what I saw at Toast:

Here’s to the ladies who lunch
And never eat a thing
Lounging with their VIP
Actresses bunch
Without ordering
Off to the spa
Tan and relaxing
At a poolside
Wearing no bra
And their snatch seen
Outside of Hyde
Does anyone still go to Hyde?
I’ll drink to that.

And here’s to the girls who play dumb
Just for their careers
Looking oh so cheerful
Throughout their boredom
Look at Britney Spears
Once was a star, a strong debut
Now a Fed-Ex Missus
Baby #2, cheesy tattoo
A day trip to Promises
I’ll drink for her
And one for Lindsay!

And here’s to girls with rockstars
Greek shipping heirs and such
Holding hands but clutching
A copy of Star,
Us Weekly and In Touch
Ignoring through their bug-eye glasses
The douchebags who grab at their asses
The toast of LA’s upper classes
Driving drunk and high
A DUI!
Aren’t they to die?

And here’s to the girls who wear furs
And too-short mini-skirts
Little rich flirts
Shouting racial slurs
Everybody hurts
A way to get attention, though
Through only bad decisions
Another blonde extention, blow
Some B-Lister in night-vision
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
I’ll download that.

So here’s to the girls not on set
Exhaustion is unwise
Engaged to guys
That they’ve never even met
Claim papparazzi spies
In love with the fact that they’re hated
Convinced it’s the life they’ve been fated
Hospitalized for being dehydrated
All of it is lies!
Lies!
Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!
Lies!