BFF 4EVA

BFF 4EVA

I wish we could meet up just one more time
So I could take back everything I ever gave to you
That bracelet from Australia
The one that matches mine

One mind in two heads, blonde and red
And there was nothing I couldn’t say to you
Now I could fill our unfinished scrapbook
With all the things I never said

I wish I could erase you
So I won’t have to deface you
Each little insult closer to peace
It’s my passive revenge
Hope that you drop dead
Like our friendship already deceased

It’s all bad timing
A misunderstanding
Let’s blame fate
For this unwelcome hate
I couldn’t have done anything wrong
Our forever didn’t last very long

We had a few months but then we died
It hurts more cause you’re still alive
I know because I saw you behind the tree that day
I saw you and I couldn’t look away
Just thought of all the things I should say
Did he replace me? Why can't you face me?
I walked away

I know every January you remember my birthday
And make a conscious decision not to pick up the phone
We were so much for each other
But why should I bother
We’re already blown
How could I have known

I wish I could erase you
So I won’t have to deface you
Each little insult closer to peace
It’s my passive revenge
Hope that you drop dead
Like our friendship already deceased

It’s all bad timing
A misunderstanding
Let’s blame fate
For this unwelcome hate
I couldn’t have done anything wrong
Our forever didn’t last very long

Now that it’s over it seems to me
You didn’t realize how much you mean to me

Jason at the Bookstore

Jason at the Bookstore

i met you once
you'll do nicely
so far, so good
i shouldn't meet you ever again
and ruin that perfect image of you
in my mind

of course, it's not you
your hair has changed slightly
the color of your sweater
your absence has resulted in
hyperbole
replacements of details

can i marry an image in my head?
married to the thought of eternal bliss
a ring on my finger as proof
(because i need proof)
phone calls to make people jealous, bitter
try those emotions on for a change

"you" will do nicely

red bracelets

red bracelets

i'm a happy poser
never have to deal with
being a loser
i just play one on TV
and at parties
just like a clown
or a magician
it's not the real me
it's just an act of attention
i can't really levitate
or get shot out of a canon
or cut my skin up

i just reap the wealth
of worry
and power
red bracelets
(not kabbalah)
right now in fashion
supporting the cause
of myself

As I Waited To Get A New Prescription

As I Waited To Get A New Prescription

as I waited to get a new prescription
trying to change myself in some other way
I struggled pushing the piece of plastic
in a very sensitive area
struggling as usual
in sensitive areas
I overheard them whispering
although they could have been a little quieter

"See that fat girl over there?
She's having the hardest time
putting those contacts on."

Just because they're optometrists
they think I'm also in need of
a hearing aid.

This was out of the schoolyard
and birthday parties
where people who didn't know any better
threw rocks
and words
at me
This was much more

a mother
(of one of those children I'd assume)
that went to Ivy League
and received her MD
who just lost her father the previous year
who earned $70k plus benefits each year
who could struggle and think and know the right way
just called me fat
handed over the bill
and to my face said have a nice day.

You'd think she would have known better
You'd think I should have known better
than to ask for help
and believe
that ignorance ends
once you get your MD.

Three More Weeks

Three More Weeks

You came out of the blue
I like you cause you’re new
Light and bright in black
My heart under attack

The perfection of the Meet-Cute
A lifelong obsession
Surprisingly resembled
Our Monday night confession
Stopped my habits in their tracks
You can’t be good for my depression

Will three weeks really change fate
One more day
One more kiss
Love can’t endure everything
Not even one as great as this

You redefine my fantasies
Hanging velvet tapestries
On my mind’s blind eye
Over what’s to come
At the start there was a finish line
But I’m not yet done
Delaying the inevitable
Is it that bad a crime?
I love you
It sounded good at the time.

I can only change the date
One more week
One more kiss
But I can’t change everything.
You’re going to be missed.

goldfish out of water

goldfish out of water

hot LA lady
in the downpour tonight
watch out
the acid rain'll wash out
the peroxide
orange streaks down her shoulder blades soaked
who thinks of packing a raincoat?

cold LA lady
can't find a place to duck under
run for cover
no one here cares
about the price of her dress
no one here knows
how she got into this mess

this is the most
of the east coast
that she'll write home about

Second Story

here's my first poem on the site. I wrote it in 2003 and I could try to morph it into a song, but i like it the way it is. rambling prose.

Second Story

I can barely differentiate
the faraway rhythmic percussion and wooing
coming from the club outside the plain drawn curtains
two flights up
from the muted reminder of my alienation
taunting from inside.
I try my best to appear aloof
but the game is always on -
I keep you in my peripheral
just in case... what?
you do something to warrant a more direct gaze?
you might possibly meet my stare?
I would have kept you in my line of sight
because of attraction,
curiosity
if you hadn't superseded my lust with hope
with that smile that is worth it when it shows itself
and your brief five fingers pressed on the edge of my shoulder
your asking someone to take a picture of us
you asking, not me making the first move
you inviting me to stay in your room after hours
not requesting I leave, almost imploring I stay
what a wonderful first day to end it by sleeping beside you.
Your wonderfullness gave me the incentive to want more
from the type of person I never expect anything at all

maybe you were my pillow that night
and i got carried away past my possibilities
because since then you became the guy I assumed you were
too attractive for me,
aloof
and cool.
All i always wanted to be,
never quite pulled off.
you were willing to stroke my back that night
but you never inched closer to me on the dancefloor
that spot on my shoulder turned cold
dissapeared from negligence.

i realize in two weeks you won't matter
but living in the moment has its disadvantages.
You consume me - where I look, what I hear
struggling desperately to hear your wild screaming
voice from downstairs, pick you apart from the
crowd from the second story
you danced past me
and my cynicism overrules the idea that you are
avoiding me because of my obvious infatuation
my head no more than 45 degrees turned from you at every moment
no, it's much worse
you don't even notice my dissapointment as your saunter past me
to cling to another girl who fits
nicely in her clothing
you don't even think to think about where I am
that I'm back here, curtains drawn, on the
second story
moved enough by your presence these past few days
to contemplate my own in general.

The Receptionist

The Receptionist

That girl, the receptionist
Front desk at Endeavor
Her hair, it's perfection
Her stilletos, her blazer
We've got the same job
But different faces
I'm thrown together, a slob
She's going places

That girl, the assistant
Twelve hours at Sony
Her friends growing distant
Her laugh growing phony
She picks up the phones
Files the faxes
She's never alone
Never relaxes

That woman, the executive
Someone I'll never be
Mt. Olympus is selective
At full capacity
I don't know how she does it
A mom, a boss, a wife
How many assistants does it
Take to screw up your life?

That girl in the mirror
That's who I am
A bit off, peculiar
I don't give a damn
Objective projections
I've pushed them away
After endless rejections
I'm doing okay

That star, constellation
Of possibility
It's a hallucination
Infinitely
Is there some purpose I haven't found
Wasting pennies on pipe dreams?
I'm still around without the sound
Of you humming my rhyme schemes

That girl, the receptionist
Dreaming of power
Career-driven perfectionist
Alone on her lunch hour
How much do you give away
Between nine and five
If you just live today
Then you're really alive

All The Planes and Postcards In All The World

all the planes and postcards in all the world

A perfect place exists where you'll never grow old
It's summer in the winter and I never got cold
In my head we're a play
Performed exactly how I say
It's the only thing left I can control

There's a little piece of you lost, and
I'm keeping it hostage
I won't give up my fantasies
Til you return the rest of me

All the planes and postcards in all the world, I doubt it
Could help us even if we would
Not a goddamn thing either of us can do about it
You and me, kiddo, we're in this for good

Trapped in the sand of smashed hourglasses
I squint as I take off my rose-tinted glasses
I left my land of enchantment
Traded it in for detachment
My default emotion seems to be broken

There's a little piece of you lost, and
I'm keeping it hostage
All that's left are memories
Give me back the best of me

All the planes and postcards in all the world, I doubt it
Could help us even if we would
Not a goddamn thing either of us can do about it
You and me, kiddo, we're in this for good