Obviously, Doctor, You've Never Been A Thirteen-Year Old Girl

Obviously, Doctor, You've Never Been A Thirteen-Year Old Girl


in junior high, i hoped for all girls
Splitting up the genitalia we'd soon utilize
the stout, the skrawny, the before-their-time boys
thumping in their oversized Vans for first prize

the pony-tailed, high pitched pink KEDS to the back
loosened laces and rubber skid on the surface, shilacked
the boys' voices, not yet breaking, out of breath screaming
while the girls twirled their hair, forever daydreaming

Isn't it great to be thirteen
You got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
There's no such thing as gravity
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

The pink KEDS never learned how to play
pushed to the back wall out of the way
except for the Tomboy, who'd one day get detention
for getting caught with the jock just to get his attention

Never listened to the gym teacher's reinforcements
Conditioned to adapt to a stoic's performance
They passed and jumped within
Ignored the mannequins
Staring at their swatch
The ball would roll by like tumbleweed
And we'd just watch

Isn't it great to be thirteen
You got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
There's no such thing as gravity
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

You've got a stalker hanging by your locker
Covered in lisa frank stickers
You bleed out all the snickers
From the jailbait cheerleaders

You attract all the guys with their raging hormones
And distract with your sighs and your wailing whore moans
You're just following instructions
From the older girls' self-destructions

Isn't it great to be thirteen
You got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
There's no such thing as gravity
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

It's exotic, narcotics, you swallow it down
You're psychotic, you've got it all figured out
you belong to the throng, it's all you have
bridge jumping is the newest fad
In a sense, it's all a lie
So kiss your innocence goodbye

Little girl, ditch the boys
You blew inside the school hallways
Echoing with high pitched noise
Suicide can save a rainy day

Isn't it great to be thirteen
Got your whole life in front of you
But you're stuck
Somewhere in-between
Sorry, honey, you're fresh out of luck
Things fall 'cause the world sucks

Don't worry, you'll escape alive
You still've got high school to survive