The Nomad

The Nomad

For awhile it was all New York City
A lazy stroll through the park
Or take in a Broadway matinee
The nightlife is incredible
The one place pizza is edible
The grea-
test things a subway ride away

Complete at midnight
Bored by dawn
I yawn
Something isn't right...

Pack up
Pack up
Wave goodbye

I keep changing
I can't stop rearranging
How I define myself
As I try to find myself
Different places, different men
I always wind up here again
And again
And again

Then came in style was somewhere more... pretty
Packed up my pipe dreams on a lark
And shipped myself to LA
Cocaine and VIP lines
Accepted, victimless crimes
Let's play
As the palm trees above our egos sway

Complete at midnight
Bored by dawn
I yawn
Something just isn't right...

Smack up
Shack up
With some guy

I keep changing
I can't stop rearranging
How I define myself
As I try to find myself
Dye my hair, ink my skin
I come out the same again
And again
And again

What made me smile I found out was Sydney
Those aussies really have a spark
So happy and so far away
Daily routine a novelty
No worries, friends or family
It's okay
Isolation's what I crave today

Back up
Back up
Back up
Back up

See, the strange thing
With the scenery I keep exchanging
The only thing that gets better
Are the accents and the weather
No matter how well I plan
I'll just make up my mind again
And again
And again

Blonde or brunette
It's not yet
What I want
I forget
That it's not
What I get
Where I'm placed
It's the chase
And the threat
Getting caught
Getting trapped
I'll adapt
Wherever I go
I know
I bet I'll be a bit upset

I keep changing
I can't stop rearranging
How I define myself
As I try to find myself
Different places, different men
I always wind up here again
And again
And again

And again
And again
And again
And again
And again

I Gave Him My Heart, He Gave Me a Pen

I Gave Him My Heart, He Gave Me a Pen

I gave you my heart, and you gave me a pen
Promised myself I'd never come back here again
The ink blots as a I think lots about where we stand
You mumbled you'd see me but you never said when

I'm upset, but I shouldn't be
I'm an independent woman
Right?
I'm outspoken
Still heart broken
How serious can you get in one night?

How come I fall for strangers so easily?
How come I live inside my head?
How come I'm not in therapy already?
I spend all my time invested in you instead
I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen

I wore a sexy new black skirt today
Cost me the worth of an entire week's pay
I don't hide, slipped inside my diamond heels
My tits and my tattoo fully on display

Wish I didn't have to beg for you to be able
To prefer my company to what looks good on cable
I'm blurring more during our four-star meal
Playing footsie with the leg of the table

I'm mistaken, but I couldn't be
Our connection you can't
Forget
You're running late
While I'm dressed to the eights
That's as close as I possibly get

How come I stall moving on?
I keep picking the scab that already bled
Thought I could say anything, I was wrong
I desperately seek your approval instead
I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen

I try and restart, and pick up your pen
Write you a letter to see how you've been
It's been so long the ink's gone and the page is still white
So much for leaving your mark on my life

For Her Sake, I Hope You Don't Realize This Is About You

For Her Sake, I Hope You Don't Realize This Is About You

I miss our nights of ordering in
Never thought that's something I'd one day be missing
I'd lay on your shoulder and complain about him
Just a few more inches and we'd be kissing

We'd waste the night doing not that much
Your roommate's out of town, got the place to ourselves
Drinking, thinking how we could possibly touch
Our friendship was perfect but I went through hell

You used to tell me all your secrets
But now you whisper them to her
It was never about the sex
Forget the way we were
She's just the one that you prefer

Always assumed it would happen one day
Destiny, fate and other big words
I never had the courage to stand up and say
Swallowed it down not to make things awkward

Now I stumble my way through euphimisms
To platonically express just how great you are
Funny enough, that's my one criticism
If you change your mind... I won't be too far

You used to tell me all your secrets
But now you whisper them to her
It was never about the sex
Forget the way we were
She's just the one that you prefer

Hanging out
Just meant
Hanging out

I think I'll build a time machine
Go back and relive the moments I wasted
Enjoy the thought, we could have been
Your voice on my ear, your mouth never tasted

You used to tell me all your secrets
But now you whisper them to her
It was never about the sex
Forget the way we were
She's just the one that you prefer

The Ladies Who Lunch (And Immediately Throw It Back Up)

i may as well post some of the parodies I write in here. Here's one about "celebutards", sung to the tune of Sondheim's The Ladies Who Lunch from "Company."

The Ladies Who Lunch (And Immediately Throw It Back Up)

Here's what I saw at Toast:

Here’s to the ladies who lunch
And never eat a thing
Lounging with their VIP
Actresses bunch
Without ordering
Off to the spa
Tan and relaxing
At a poolside
Wearing no bra
And their snatch seen
Outside of Hyde
Does anyone still go to Hyde?
I’ll drink to that.

And here’s to the girls who play dumb
Just for their careers
Looking oh so cheerful
Throughout their boredom
Look at Britney Spears
Once was a star, a strong debut
Now a Fed-Ex Missus
Baby #2, cheesy tattoo
A day trip to Promises
I’ll drink for her
And one for Lindsay!

And here’s to girls with rockstars
Greek shipping heirs and such
Holding hands but clutching
A copy of Star,
Us Weekly and In Touch
Ignoring through their bug-eye glasses
The douchebags who grab at their asses
The toast of LA’s upper classes
Driving drunk and high
A DUI!
Aren’t they to die?

And here’s to the girls who wear furs
And too-short mini-skirts
Little rich flirts
Shouting racial slurs
Everybody hurts
A way to get attention, though
Through only bad decisions
Another blonde extention, blow
Some B-Lister in night-vision
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
I’ll download that.

So here’s to the girls not on set
Exhaustion is unwise
Engaged to guys
That they’ve never even met
Claim papparazzi spies
In love with the fact that they’re hated
Convinced it’s the life they’ve been fated
Hospitalized for being dehydrated
All of it is lies!
Lies!
Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!
Lies!

A Fish and a Bird

You're a fish
And I'm a bird
You're stuck in the water
I'm all over the world
I'll drown for you
If you wanted me to
Grant me this wish
I give you my word

Still pains me times a million
That I'm no longer in your photos
The place next to me, where you should be
I pose solo

Catch myself holding my breath
When I turn the corner onto the staircase
That you might be there
Jetlagged
Flowers
Waiting for me
Like I've been waiting for you

There's no one in the whole entire world I want to hug
To love
More than you
Although I know if we met again
You'd give me an empty embrace
Politely smile through niceities
Small talk

You're a fish
And I'm a bird
You're stuck in the water
I'm all over the world
I'll drown for you
If you wanted me to
Grant me this wish
I give you my word

Haven't you heard
I've run out of
All I could possibly give
A fish and a bird
Could fall in love
But where would they possibly live?

I'll drown for you
If you wanted me to
Grant me this wish
I give you my word

Target Practice

Target Practice

I've got ten stars counting down to zero on my wrist
Explode like alpha centauri when I make a fist
I gave you my secrets you earned just cause you exist
Now everything left is locked up but it won't be missed

Slam my heart against the fucking wall
Bullseye
"Grow apart" happens to us all
Don't lie

I flip through all the photos and I gaze at all the faces
It's not so easy for anyone to get in my good graces
Don't know what I'm doing still perusing your myspaces
Obsessed with your new piercing and all the precious time I've wasted

Hang my heart proudly on your wall
Beside your reindeer head
"Grow apart" happens to us all
But what you really mean is "dead"

This is all a game to you
Each "I love you" is the same to you
My usless heart
Safety pinned
To my skin
You win

Slam my heart against the fucking wall
Bullseye
"Grow apart" happens to us all
Don't lie

Hang my heart proudly on your wall
Beside your reindeer head
"Grow apart" happens to us all
But what you really mean is "dead"

It's Raining

It's Raining

It's raining, how appropriate, like the world just knew
Having rain falling down right now would fit the mood

It wouldn't feel right if the sun was out instead
The black-lite stars stuck to my ceiling are crashing on my head

What's a girl to do
But stay all day in bed

I wear my anger awkwardly, it hangs off me like a mess
Masochism becomes me, like a pig's blood soaked prom dress

If I'm not my faults then I dissapear
Misery's a part time job, I've made it my career

A damsel in distress
Wishing you were here

Try a smile in denial, pretending it's all good
Real tragedy feels funny, isn't quickly understood

Divide it all by comedy and what you've got left is time
Feel alive while breaking down, it's never worth the rhyme

I bet if I could
I would feel sublime

It's raining, how predictable, but never with objection
I splash puddles on purpose to get rid of my reflection

I'm human, I'm not special with my universal sorrow
Blinded by the sunshine, I got rainclouds you could borrow

Right now need I attention
I'll be fine alone tomorrow

Puzzle Piece

Puzzle Piece

I'm like a missing puzzle piece
Neglected and mistreated
Can never find my peace
Till my picture is completed

I search for others like me but I fumble
Mixed in with pieces of Sorry and Trouble
The thimble and shoe from Monopoly
Lost misfits just like me

Found what I want but wound up here instead
Pound a square hole with a misshapen peg
A plastic wishbone, a wild card
Fun for all ages but it's still much too hard

I'm like a missing puzzle piece
Neglected and mistreated
Can never find my peace
Till my picture is completed

So many different sides to me
No one fits me perfectly
Whose gonna be the performer?
Whose gonna be the sex?
Whose gonna be the music?
Whose gonna be next?

I'm curious to see who'll get to me first
Take even the worst if they're quick to quench my thirst
You touched my heart and botched my operation
Wipe the board clean cause I'm really impatient

I'm like a missing puzzle piece
Neglected and mistreated
Can never find my peace
Till my picture is completed

Like a missing puzzle piece
Gone without a trace
Picture's seen, at least
But really, what a waste

On the Rocks

On the Rocks

Cosmo's lose their taste when you're serving them yourself
Use my brain to judge the remains of what's on the top shelf
Roll my eyes, sigh, as I pour and pour
Got a loser throwing up all over the floor
This is growing up, what I worked so hard for
This guy and my degree, face it
Both of them are truly wasted

I'm living life on the rocks
Trapped in my bar room box
C'mon, tell
Me your life story

I'm living life on the rocks
Beer on tap that talks
Tip me well
I'm yours till the morning

A famous actor in the corner giving some blonde kisses
I read the gossip rags so I'm aware it's not his missus
Slips me a tip while starin' at my tits
Let the dim-lit adultery
Continue on my shift
Doesn't give a shit to me
Funny, he plays a queer on TV

Want a double, just say the word
You like it shaken, not stirred
That's the drink that Bond preferred
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard

I'm living life on the rocks
Trapped in my barroom box
C'mon, tell
Me your life story

I'm living life on the rocks
Beer on tap that talks
Tip me well
I'm yours till the morning

If you've got the goods I've got the time
Lick the salt onto my wrist and hand you a lime
Any takers among the fakers?
Shaking my martini shakers
I'll have you and you'll have Maker's
Gotta make the night go by quicker
A girl wants love but all I've got is liquor

Want it stronger, just tell me when
I like it how I like my men
Never get attention like this again
I oughtta find a better job, but til then...

I'm living life on the rocks
Trapped in my bar room box
C'mon, tell
Me your life story

I'm living life on the rocks
Stuck with drunk nighthawks
What the hell
At least it's never boring

Tongue Ring In Chic

Tongue Ring In Chic (I'm Not Bad, I'm Just Drawn That Way)


Didn't enjoy much living straight edge
It got boring fast, and I crave a challenge
Dyed black hair over half your face
Mysteries are riskier and make my heart race

If you want to get my number
Drop and be a goth nightclubber
What can I say, I've got a turn on for danger
I like my men a little stranger

I want a guy with a sleeve
Separate from his black band tee
Spiky hair, studded belt
Emotional boys make me melt

Oh, your checkered Vans, tongue ring
Water bottle, skull bling
There's surely nothing finer
Than a boy who's man enough for eyeliner

This is who I want today
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

Minor sins and safety pins are something more dramatic
Your're a breath of fresh air for a recovering asthmatic
It's a new me who picked you and you better thank her
Rather date a drug dealer than an investment banker

Got on my costume, feel like a poser
But the charade's worth it to get us closer
Is it just what we wear? I guess I'll never know
Either way, like I care, we're best without our clothes

I want a guy with a sleeve
Separate from his black band tee
Spiky hair, studded belt
Emotional boys make me melt

Oh, my checkered Vans, tongue ring
Water bottle, skull bling
No better way to get attention
Than to have a definition

This is who I am today
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

Cries for attention across the street
You scare away others, but I find it sweet
I'm a groupie for your faux rockstar
A master at your air guitar

Air guitar solo!

Oh, your Checkered vans, tongue ring
Water bottle, skull bling
There's surely nothing finer
Than a boy who's man enough for eyeliner

Dont' tell me it's just a phase
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

A Fist Wrapped in Blood

A Fist Wrapped In Blood

I’ll be the rockstar and you’ll be my band
Matching Halloween costumes I’ve already planned
Locking hands and eyes in line at Disneyland
I’ll be your lady and you’ll be my man

Too perfect to be real right from the start
Our potential so thrilling it could have been art
I kept it going cause I’m not that smart
Just empty words from an empty heart

Lovers that thrive on apologies
It’s not working obviously
Just cause to worry
With every I’m sorry
You and me were not meant to be

Lovers that thrive on apologies
Loving apathetically
Thought you were better
Than a wolf in a sweater
You and me were not meant to be

You demanded and I supplied
Keeping your distance while still at my side
Your shadowed past your alibi
My heart in your hands you pumped it dry

Your gentleman caller act successfully pulled me
Your polite performance acted out cruelly
Pushed me around like a valentine's bully
But I’m not ashamed I know how to love fully

Lovers that thrive on apologies
It’s not working obviously
Just cause to worry
With every I’m sorry
You and me were not meant to be

Lovers that thrive on apologies
Loving apathetically
Thought you were better
Than a wolf in a sweater
You and me were not meant to be

XXX

X X X

It's been over a year of not feeling right
I'd love to know what indifference feels like
It's so clearly always you
In every single fucking song I write

Are you that insecure
is that what you're dating her for?

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

Are you that frightened by the fall
Your jokes echoe off the walls
Checking my cell for your missed call
While pantomime in bathroom stalls

Thanks for making me reaccess
Every memory I have left of us

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

Was I just company, too, while you were my knight
Were your words in bed a way to fill up the night?
What I heard instead
Hung like a stalagamite

Every memory ruined for good
You let go but I never could

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

I can't say goodbye
My white flag waving in the sky
What can I do to get unstuck
Fuck you for having all the luck

Antigone

Antigone

This morning while mourning I rolled out on the wrong side of the grave
Caught in my coffin I've outgrown but it's cozy and it's safe
Panic attacks while still snoring
Slipping out of your arms as the bacon sizzles
Flipping out once again through sunshine or drizzles
Loving you has grown to be boring

I pray for the day
You're not longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

I'm nowhere finished with my writing
Begrudgingly finished with my writhing
I hated how you always got me blushing like a rose
We cruised through our romance
I'm bruised by our last dance
Your dilapidated Vans were crushing my toes

I like the look of your lies when your eyes dilate
I should look for another, sober suitor to date
One that can imitate your walk just right
Still got the body of a female
And a disembodied email
Can't take me out tonight

I pray for the day
When you're no longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

There's got to be
Someone kinder than you
Who reminds me of you
Some humility
I couldn't find in you
I was blinded by you
Now I can see
But I'd much rather be
Antigone

I let down the countdown
No kisses at midnight, I'm missing the song
The parade did fade but you're still going strong
Your welcome's outstayed

I pray for the day
When you're no longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

I pray for the day
When you're no longer good for a rhyme
I hate to say, it's not my time
And today is not that day

BFF 4EVA

BFF 4EVA

I wish we could meet up just one more time
So I could take back everything I ever gave to you
That bracelet from Australia
The one that matches mine

One mind in two heads, blonde and red
And there was nothing I couldn’t say to you
Now I could fill our unfinished scrapbook
With all the things I never said

I wish I could erase you
So I won’t have to deface you
Each little insult closer to peace
It’s my passive revenge
Hope that you drop dead
Like our friendship already deceased

It’s all bad timing
A misunderstanding
Let’s blame fate
For this unwelcome hate
I couldn’t have done anything wrong
Our forever didn’t last very long

We had a few months but then we died
It hurts more cause you’re still alive
I know because I saw you behind the tree that day
I saw you and I couldn’t look away
Just thought of all the things I should say
Did he replace me? Why can't you face me?
I walked away

I know every January you remember my birthday
And make a conscious decision not to pick up the phone
We were so much for each other
But why should I bother
We’re already blown
How could I have known

I wish I could erase you
So I won’t have to deface you
Each little insult closer to peace
It’s my passive revenge
Hope that you drop dead
Like our friendship already deceased

It’s all bad timing
A misunderstanding
Let’s blame fate
For this unwelcome hate
I couldn’t have done anything wrong
Our forever didn’t last very long

Now that it’s over it seems to me
You didn’t realize how much you mean to me

Jason at the Bookstore

Jason at the Bookstore

i met you once
you'll do nicely
so far, so good
i shouldn't meet you ever again
and ruin that perfect image of you
in my mind

of course, it's not you
your hair has changed slightly
the color of your sweater
your absence has resulted in
hyperbole
replacements of details

can i marry an image in my head?
married to the thought of eternal bliss
a ring on my finger as proof
(because i need proof)
phone calls to make people jealous, bitter
try those emotions on for a change

"you" will do nicely

red bracelets

red bracelets

i'm a happy poser
never have to deal with
being a loser
i just play one on TV
and at parties
just like a clown
or a magician
it's not the real me
it's just an act of attention
i can't really levitate
or get shot out of a canon
or cut my skin up

i just reap the wealth
of worry
and power
red bracelets
(not kabbalah)
right now in fashion
supporting the cause
of myself

As I Waited To Get A New Prescription

As I Waited To Get A New Prescription

as I waited to get a new prescription
trying to change myself in some other way
I struggled pushing the piece of plastic
in a very sensitive area
struggling as usual
in sensitive areas
I overheard them whispering
although they could have been a little quieter

"See that fat girl over there?
She's having the hardest time
putting those contacts on."

Just because they're optometrists
they think I'm also in need of
a hearing aid.

This was out of the schoolyard
and birthday parties
where people who didn't know any better
threw rocks
and words
at me
This was much more

a mother
(of one of those children I'd assume)
that went to Ivy League
and received her MD
who just lost her father the previous year
who earned $70k plus benefits each year
who could struggle and think and know the right way
just called me fat
handed over the bill
and to my face said have a nice day.

You'd think she would have known better
You'd think I should have known better
than to ask for help
and believe
that ignorance ends
once you get your MD.

Three More Weeks

Three More Weeks

You came out of the blue
I like you cause you’re new
Light and bright in black
My heart under attack

The perfection of the Meet-Cute
A lifelong obsession
Surprisingly resembled
Our Monday night confession
Stopped my habits in their tracks
You can’t be good for my depression

Will three weeks really change fate
One more day
One more kiss
Love can’t endure everything
Not even one as great as this

You redefine my fantasies
Hanging velvet tapestries
On my mind’s blind eye
Over what’s to come
At the start there was a finish line
But I’m not yet done
Delaying the inevitable
Is it that bad a crime?
I love you
It sounded good at the time.

I can only change the date
One more week
One more kiss
But I can’t change everything.
You’re going to be missed.

goldfish out of water

goldfish out of water

hot LA lady
in the downpour tonight
watch out
the acid rain'll wash out
the peroxide
orange streaks down her shoulder blades soaked
who thinks of packing a raincoat?

cold LA lady
can't find a place to duck under
run for cover
no one here cares
about the price of her dress
no one here knows
how she got into this mess

this is the most
of the east coast
that she'll write home about

Second Story

here's my first poem on the site. I wrote it in 2003 and I could try to morph it into a song, but i like it the way it is. rambling prose.

Second Story

I can barely differentiate
the faraway rhythmic percussion and wooing
coming from the club outside the plain drawn curtains
two flights up
from the muted reminder of my alienation
taunting from inside.
I try my best to appear aloof
but the game is always on -
I keep you in my peripheral
just in case... what?
you do something to warrant a more direct gaze?
you might possibly meet my stare?
I would have kept you in my line of sight
because of attraction,
curiosity
if you hadn't superseded my lust with hope
with that smile that is worth it when it shows itself
and your brief five fingers pressed on the edge of my shoulder
your asking someone to take a picture of us
you asking, not me making the first move
you inviting me to stay in your room after hours
not requesting I leave, almost imploring I stay
what a wonderful first day to end it by sleeping beside you.
Your wonderfullness gave me the incentive to want more
from the type of person I never expect anything at all

maybe you were my pillow that night
and i got carried away past my possibilities
because since then you became the guy I assumed you were
too attractive for me,
aloof
and cool.
All i always wanted to be,
never quite pulled off.
you were willing to stroke my back that night
but you never inched closer to me on the dancefloor
that spot on my shoulder turned cold
dissapeared from negligence.

i realize in two weeks you won't matter
but living in the moment has its disadvantages.
You consume me - where I look, what I hear
struggling desperately to hear your wild screaming
voice from downstairs, pick you apart from the
crowd from the second story
you danced past me
and my cynicism overrules the idea that you are
avoiding me because of my obvious infatuation
my head no more than 45 degrees turned from you at every moment
no, it's much worse
you don't even notice my dissapointment as your saunter past me
to cling to another girl who fits
nicely in her clothing
you don't even think to think about where I am
that I'm back here, curtains drawn, on the
second story
moved enough by your presence these past few days
to contemplate my own in general.

The Receptionist

The Receptionist

That girl, the receptionist
Front desk at Endeavor
Her hair, it's perfection
Her stilletos, her blazer
We've got the same job
But different faces
I'm thrown together, a slob
She's going places

That girl, the assistant
Twelve hours at Sony
Her friends growing distant
Her laugh growing phony
She picks up the phones
Files the faxes
She's never alone
Never relaxes

That woman, the executive
Someone I'll never be
Mt. Olympus is selective
At full capacity
I don't know how she does it
A mom, a boss, a wife
How many assistants does it
Take to screw up your life?

That girl in the mirror
That's who I am
A bit off, peculiar
I don't give a damn
Objective projections
I've pushed them away
After endless rejections
I'm doing okay

That star, constellation
Of possibility
It's a hallucination
Infinitely
Is there some purpose I haven't found
Wasting pennies on pipe dreams?
I'm still around without the sound
Of you humming my rhyme schemes

That girl, the receptionist
Dreaming of power
Career-driven perfectionist
Alone on her lunch hour
How much do you give away
Between nine and five
If you just live today
Then you're really alive

All The Planes and Postcards In All The World

all the planes and postcards in all the world

A perfect place exists where you'll never grow old
It's summer in the winter and I never got cold
In my head we're a play
Performed exactly how I say
It's the only thing left I can control

There's a little piece of you lost, and
I'm keeping it hostage
I won't give up my fantasies
Til you return the rest of me

All the planes and postcards in all the world, I doubt it
Could help us even if we would
Not a goddamn thing either of us can do about it
You and me, kiddo, we're in this for good

Trapped in the sand of smashed hourglasses
I squint as I take off my rose-tinted glasses
I left my land of enchantment
Traded it in for detachment
My default emotion seems to be broken

There's a little piece of you lost, and
I'm keeping it hostage
All that's left are memories
Give me back the best of me

All the planes and postcards in all the world, I doubt it
Could help us even if we would
Not a goddamn thing either of us can do about it
You and me, kiddo, we're in this for good